Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize