You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
