I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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