Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
