last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
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