You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
