You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
