Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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