Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
