i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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