Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
