I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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