I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
