just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
