break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
