Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
