I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
