Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
