One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
