There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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