His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
