Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
