If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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