Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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