What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
