God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
