Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
