K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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