What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
