Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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