The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
