I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
