sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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