your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
