It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
