Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
