You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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