I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
