remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
