You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
