Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
