honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
