In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the day after is always just damage control
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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