are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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