Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
