it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
