you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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