i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
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The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND