My room smells like vodka and shame
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!