just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?