I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo