He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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