I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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