So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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