JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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