that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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