Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
