I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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