True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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