just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
