Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
