STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
