guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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