Say something about gay babies.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
