Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
worst night to have a conscience
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize