Whod you bang
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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