I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
