So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
